Memories
by Salutation
Summary: Severus Snape's life has been hell, and once again he will feel its burn. " He was an empty man filled with hatred. He liked to pretend that the hatred was for the world and its occupants, but it for himself. He hated the choices he made that separated him for the girl he loved. " A One-Shot story with the potential for future chapters.


A/N: I haven't written in a long time for a variety of reasons, mainly stemming from a horrible case of writer's block. This Severus Snape story takes places post-Hogwarts. I'm still working on my other stories, and currently re-writing Expectation with the intentions of making the chapters longer, the plot more clear, and increasing the development of the characters. This story is at the moment a one-shot, but it could possibly have additional chapters depending on the feedback. I hope you enjoy the story, and please review. Thanks :D

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The alcohol could only make some of Severus' memories fade away. The bottle of Firewhiskey the Malfoy's gave him for his birthday had remained full until this accursed day. This week he'd been preparing himself for the onslaught of depression he would feel by drinking far more heavily than he had in his entire life. He promised himself he wouldn't become addicted to this poison like his father. The liquor burned his throat with each gulp he took. As the bottle became more and more empty, Severus could feel his memories and his pain become foggy. The crystal glass fell from his hand. The alcohol could only block out so much. Painful memories flashed from the abyss of his mind. Lily yelling at him that they could never be friends. The werewolf Lupin almost attacking him until he was saved by that coward Potter. Petunia, Lily's Muggle sister calling him a freak. Each memory cleared away the alcohol induced fog that clouded him mind. Each memory felt crisp and clear. He worked hard to hide out these memories. He spent years practicing Occulemcy to keep the depression, guilt, and shame at bay. The shame ate at his soul until he was left with nothing. He was an empty man filled with hatred. He liked to pretend that the hatred was for the world and its occupants, but it for himself. He hated the choices he made that separated him for the girl he loved, and his cowardice. He could've fought for her. But his anger pushed her into the arms of James Potter. No. It wasn't his fault, what woman could love him? A man far too bitter for his age, with greasy hair, a hooked nose, and sallow skin he thought bringing the bottle to his lips. The alcohol tasted even bitterer than it did before. It no longer put the haze of naivety in his mind. It was now too weak to hide his memories. He sat up and walked over to his kitchen. Maybe sleep would free him from his demons. His feet felt incredibly large on his body. Severus felt clumsy for the first time in his life, falling into his worn couch. How could he pretend he could ever forget? Lily would be marrying James Potter, the boy who terrorized him in almost an hour. She was once his. She trusted him and loved him, but she left him all because of one mistake. A mistake by a boy who didn't know the power of his words he yelled to no one. He began to laugh a sad sound of sorrow. He knew exactly what he said. He knew Lily would hate him for saying it, but he expected for her to forgive him. He embarrassed himself sleeping outside of her common room begging for her forgiveness, but it never came. He continued to sit on the floor, noticing a throbbing pain in his ankle. He felt calmer now. The pain blocked out his thoughts. He rubbed his hand against the bone. A sharp pain traveled up his body. Severus wasn't really bothered by the pain, he felt far worse at the hands of his drunk of a father. He pulled out his wand unsteadily from inside of the pockets of his trousers. The wand felt uncomfortable in his hand. He looked down at his ankle with blurry vision, and cast a healing spell. The pain disappeared from his body, and for a moment he thought maybe he imagined it. He stood up warily, afraid that in his drunkenness his ankle was still injured. Happily, it wasn't. Snape walked to his kitchen. His bottom cupboards housed his alcohol. A once small collection of gifts from his acquaintances had somehow amount into a reasonable selection of fine beverages. He pulled out a bottle from random. He couldn't remember where he got this one. It was probably a gift from Lucius, the only person he could call his friend. It was a bottle of Firewhiskey almost a hundred years old. Severus hoped that in its hundred years, the whiskey had grown a lot stronger. He twisted the cap off with the dexterity of a drunken man. He summoned a glass from one of the higher cabinets, and began drinking the liquor on his cold kitchen floor. Somewhere between his fourteenth to fifteenth glass. Severus had fallen asleep with the sticky alcohol covering his face and the tiles beneath him. He awoke with a heavy pounding on the door. He recognized the voice almost immediately. It was Lucius. He had told his friend not to bother him this week, but clearly he didn't care. He rose to his feet far too fast, and fell hardly on back. He mumbled profanities under his breath until he could get himself off the floor. He lethargically walked over to the door. He took a breath, composing his signature scowl before he opened the door. His friend stood in his finest robes, with a posh cane in his hand. Severus laughed within his mind. Why on Earth did Lucius need a cane? He was only a few years older than himself, and they were not close to being old men yet.

"What do you want Malfoy," Severus questioned. His breath reeked of stale alcohol. Lucius eyed him up and down. Never in their years of friendship had he seen his friend so disheveled. His shirt was half unbuttoned revealing a trail of scars that did not look like they were from accidents. And Lucius noticed he was wearing the same clothes he had worn the last time they met, six days ago.

"Severus," he replied pushing into his small flat, "As your friend I had every right to be concerned. You haven't answered any of my owls, and Narcissa was sure something horrible had happened to her. I prefer my wife not worry, so here I am. And it seems that you aren't apart of the Floo network. I'll contact the Ministry for you, and see if you can get one installed." Lucius walked over to the dingy couch. Papers, clothing, and broken pieces glass covered the surface of the furniture.

"Wouldn't hurt for you to get a house elf too," he murmured under his breath. He pulled out his wand from the handle of the cane, and cast a spell on the room, changing everything back to its original state.

"I ask again Lucius, why are you here?" Severus sat down across from Lucius. All he asked for was a week away from the world, where he could sit in his own personal hell and try to avoid the burn.

"I remember you used to be friends with a Mudblood at Hogwarts," Malfoy ignored his friends flinching to the word, "Lily Evans, I believe was her name. This weekend she got married to that Blood-traitor Potter. I just thought you'd like to know." Malfoy leaned closer to Severus expecting an outburst from him. He knew of his friend's affection for the girl. He and Narcissa hoped that hearing this news would free him of his infatuation, and let them set him up with a nice, Pureblood girl.

The smirk on Malfoy's face intensified the anger in Severus' heart. How dare he come into his home just to break his heart again. He was sure the sound of the rest of his soul dying was clear on his face.

"Good day Malfoy," He motioned for the door. Lucius raised his eyebrows at him, and walked towards the still open door.

"It's pathetic you know how much you yearn for a woman, who cast you aside, Severus. Stop acting like a first year Hufflepuff. You are far greater than any disgusting Mudblood. You deserve a woman who can match you in your greatness. Narcissa and I are throwing a small dinner part in two days' time. I expect you to sober up in time. I'll send you an owl later today," he said calmly.

"Get out," he yelled in return. He slammed the door, as Lucius walked away, and threw his bottle of Firewhiskey at the door. It seemed as though his hell would last far longer than a week, he would be expected to burn for the rest of his life. Severus crumpled to the ground in front of the door. Lucius was right. He was pathetic. Lily didn't deserve his tears; she was nothing more than a filthy Mudblood. He couldn't convince himself of that. She was anything but dirty. She was an angel on Earth that he had in his grasp, but let fly away into the arms of another. She had moved on, and so would he. Lucius' words echoed in his ears, as he walked to his bedroom to get a pepper-up potion.


End file.
